Friday, 24 May 2013
I tend to contradict myself a lot. If you've read a few of my other blog posts then you're probably aware of this fact. The thing is, I don't talk about anything I really care about on this thing. If I have a proper opinion on something then I am less likely to contradict myself (but it's still likely).
When I'm talking shite on this blog though, I will end up saying 'I'd welcome a good old war' in one post and 'Wars are boring now' in another. It's inevitable that things like this occur in life though.
After all, everybody in the world is a hypocrite to some degree.
With the help of Google, I will back this up.
Google says there are 3.5 billion football fans in the world. That is half of the world population. Straight away I can label half of Earth as hypocrites. How often do you see a fan call an opposition player a 'diving cunt' but cheer wildly when their own diver wins their team a penalty?
Arsene Wenger once said 'Everybody thinks that he has the prettiest wife'. I forget what it was in relation to but what I take from this quote is that all football fans are blind to the faults of their own club but will criticise the opposition for similar faults. Smart man is that Wenger fella, should have stuck it out with his illustrious science career.
Men who look at porn
A simple Google search was enough for me to find out that ALL men watch porn. I'm not really surprised I suppose but it's still a pretty amazing statistic. I'm glad they do though, it's there to be enjoyed. Well done guys.
But you are still all hypocrites.
If you are in a relationship and you watch porn, you are being unfaithful. You are engaging in a sexual act with someone other than your partner.
If you are single and you watch porn, you are engaging in a relationship with your laptop.
Google defines a relationship as 'The way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected'.
Google defines hypocrisy as 'The practice of professing beliefs, feelings or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.'
Therefore you are a hypocrite for saying you are single.
They say that 'girls just want to have fun'.
Everybody knows that what girls really want is relationships, shoes and the perfect figure (which is still undefined as far as I know).
Also, let's not forget the classic answer to the simple question 'What's wrong?'.
Nothing is wrong?
Yeah right, you're fooling nobody girls.
There are so many episodes of hypocrisy throughout all the main religions that it would take me a week to write this part. I will give it five minutes at most though because I'd be scared that reading too much holy material might brainwash me and turn me into one of those religious zombies.
There are 1.1 billion non religious people in the world (Google) so that means there are 5.9 billion religious people in the world (Mathematics).
The Bible says sex is just for creating children.
The Bible says adultery and masturbation are wrong.
The Bible says love everybody and forgive wrongdoers.
Those 3 'rules' have definitely been broken by every Christian on the planet. Do I have proof? No, I just know. All Christians are therefore hypocrites.
The Qur'an says you can't premeditatively kill a human.
The Qur'an says you can't be a traitor to your own nation.
So basically if you are a Muslim and haven't killed any Western pigs in the name of your country, you are a traitorous hypocrite. If you have, you are a murderous hypocrite.
Hinduism is about harmony and peace. They believe that the people of the world are equal and all have equal rights. They are against violence.
The religious symbol for Hinduism is the Swastika.
Those reincarnating Nazi's are all hypocrites.
I'm just going to assume all the rest of the religions are full of similar contradictions, to save on time and space. That's 5.9 billion more proven hypocrites.
So how does this prove that everyone is a hypocrite? Well, if there are any atheist men out there who tell you that they don't like football or porn, then they are filthy liars and hypocrites. Trust me.
So don't worry about being a hypocrite. It's as much a part of being human as laughing, crying and texting.